It’s a dumpster fire out there, guys.
Out there in the wild blue yonder of social media, it can seem like everything and everyone is out to get you. Whether it be with news that deflates or depresses you, trolls who seek to induce a rage even Hulk would be embarrassed about, or even spoilers for TV shows or movies that have just been released, it can be a freaking minefield!
I learned the benefits of keeping a tight algorithm on socials so I can give my mental health the best possible chance. If you’re like me, and you want to keep a tidy feed that only shows you things you actually want to see and doesn’t evoke anger, despair and all of those other bosses from Metal Gear Solid 4, then these tips could help you!
Look, I’ve been there. You’re scrolling through your “For You” tab on Twitter, and you come across an Elon Musk tweet. He makes your skin crawl, but you want to keep a close eye on what he says so you can sarcastically and snappily reply to all of his tweets. You signal boost his stuff to show how wrong he is about everything.
It’s a “Hate Follow.”
But is this healthy? Does he need the extra attention? HELL NO! I’m willing to bet you’d be much happier if you unfollow, mute or block the guy. It’s not just Elon, though, is it? You’ve got a bunch of those in your follows. Do yourself a favor and cut back; you’ll be happier for it.
After that culling, turn your gaze to the connections you have who actively spoil things less than hours after release. THERE’S NO NEED! Even if you start a post with a “SPOILER WARNING,” the damage is most likely already done by the image following you have to scroll past.
Anyone who posts anything other than a non-spoiler review in my feed gets a TTFN from me. Sorry, not sorry.
The machines have ears, my friends! Ok, so not literally, but did you know your apps on your phone can actively listen to you? You must have noticed, but you’ve put it down to coincidence. How odd! I was just talking to my friend about A Knight’s Tale and now Facebook is serving me an ad for A Knight’s Tale: The Musical.
True story. That happened to me. And, to be fair, that’s a sick ad to be served. Who wouldn’t want to be given the opportunity to buy tickets to the musical adaptation you didn’t know you wanted until now?
But if it can listen to good things, it can listen to the bad. Imagine if I was talking about how I hadn’t had the chance to see The Boys finale yet. There’s no way I wouldn’t have been spoiled with an article entitled “Now that X happened, What’s Next For Butcher?”
Go into your privacy settings for applications and switch that microphone off for apps you don’t want listening to your normal, everyday conversations.
Plus, it’s a good way to ensure you’re not going to be the first casualty when Skynet rises. It won’t be able to hear you plotting against it…
Are there movies you don’t want to be spoiled on? Nip it in the bud as soon as you can! For Deadpool and Wolverine, I muted the #DeadpoolandWolverine, #Deadpool, and #Deadpool3. I also muted the term “Deadpool and Wolverine” for good measure. It’s not a perfect system, but I can tell you I received minimal spoilers. Nothing’s perfect, especially with a film like that where any cameo could be spoiled without warning, but it did the job!
I have also muted terms to remove other unwanted conversations like #ad, #NFT, #Crypto, #AI, and #ZackSnyder. That last one could be a bit redundant because why, oh, why would anyone want to talk about Snyder anymore? Rebel Moon and Rebel Moon: Director’s Cut have made sure of that! However, it can help remove anything from your feeds that makes you angry.
Winner winner, chicken dinner!
Ah, the doom scroll! No, not scrolling through pictures of Robert Downey Jr. as Doctor Doom, but the infinite scroll of social media out of boredom or comforting repetition. When your followed posts turn into suggested posts because the algorithm thinks you might like something. Or when you’re feeling a bit spicy and switch your Twitter feed to “For You” instead of “Following.”
Nothing good can come of this.
Ok, every now and again, you might discover a new voice you like, but that’s taking your life into your own hands! That one post could be great, but who knows what connections you’ll gain because of this new follow? What if they repost political crap, and your feed becomes inundated with Just Stop Oil activists? It’s simply not worth it. If you’re looking for new follows, get the stamp of approval from someone you’re already following and it reduces the risk substantially.
Akin to this is your YouTube algorithm. Don’t let videos continue to play after your favorite CouchSoup video has ended. Taking no notice of where these redirect to can DESTROY your algorithm! It’s only two or three steps from “The Acolyte Watching Now Special” to “STAR WARS HAS BCUM WOKE BULLSHIT AND DIZNY GO 2 HELL!” Afterward, it will take a long time to get your algorithm back on track.
This one is on you.
Have you got what it takes to resist the temptation of clicking? Let’s take Facebook, for instance. The A Knight’s Tale: The Musical ad worked; it got me hook, line and sinker. It’s going to be a treacherous journey for me to remove all of the musical content from my feed again. It was my own fault, but that doesn’t comfort me. My algorithm has a dint, and I need to hammer it back out.
Any video, TikTok, post or picture you engage with is added information for your algorithm. If you click on rage bait, you’re gonna receive more rage bait posts. If you click on a Star Wars meme, be ready to see thousands of Star Wars memes. If you watch one dancing e-girl short, get ready to be inundated with that sort of non-content. I mean, if that floats your boat, then tailor your algorithm towards it.
DO NOT ENGAGE! I REPEAT: DO NOT ENGAGE!
It’s all on you, though, so be strong people.
Having a tight algorithm is great for your mental health. There’s no doubt about that. There are fewer chances to be triggered by the internet in an angry, sad or disgusted way.
However, it could be argued it’s worse for society as a whole. It’s the definition of confirmation bias to only take in the information you want to believe and see and know you’re 100% correct on a topic. Gone would be the opportunity to see other people’s points of view, even if it doesn’t vibe with yours. Gone would be the opportunity for civil debate (if that was even a thing on social media).
Setting up your social media like this helps to make society a more polarized place where everything is black or white with no shades of gray. You’re either with us, or you’re totally wrong, possibly evil, and definitely either a racist or a snowflake.
But, hey! That happens anyway these days, so take care of number one!
I have, and now I’m blissfully ignorant of the world outside of my little algorithm.
*Iain leans back in his chair with a satisfied grin on his face as he switches on A Knight’s Tale for the 20th time*
