I Don’t Give a %&$! If You Don’t Like ‘Rebel Moon.’ It’s Awesome, and Here’s Why.

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Avery Sheridan
| February 4, 2024
hello world!

First things first, let’s get this out of the way: I don’t give a flying fuck if you’ve got your undies in a bunch over Zack Snyder’s latest masterpiece, ‘Rebel Moon.’ It’s about damn time someone said it: this show kicks ass, and if you’re too blinded by your Snyder-hate goggles to see it, that’s your loss.

Now, before you start frothing at the mouth and pounding your keyboard in rage, hear me out. I’m not some die-hard Snyder fanatic who thinks the guy can do no wrong. Hell, there are days when I think ‘Sucker Punch’ was a Mamoru Oshii fever dream we collectively hallucinated. But ‘Rebel Moon?’ That’s a whole different beast.

This isn’t just some half-assed space opera; it’s a visual spectacle with guts, glory, and a dash of that Snyder magic that either gets your blood pumping, or boiling – depends on which side of the fence you’re on.

I’ve seen the hordes of keyboard warriors tirelessly typing out their disdain while speed-eating Doritos, crying about how it’s a “Star Wars rip-off” or “just another Snyder slow-mo fest.” Well, news flash, you whiny space cadets. Pull that Disney-purchased lightsaber out of your ass and know this: originality in Hollywood is as dead as your hopes of winning an argument against me. ‘Rebel Moon’ doesn’t just embrace its inspirations; it wrestles them to the ground like two patrons wrestling for the last box of hostess Twinkies at Walmart — and then carves out its own epic saga in the stars.

So strap in, put on your big boy pants, and let’s dive into why ‘Rebel Moon’ is the intergalactic ass-kicking epic you didn’t know you needed in your life.

Zack Snyder’s Genius: A Middle Finger to the Haters

Let’s talk about Zack Snyder. The guy’s like a fine whiskey; you either savor the complexity, or you can’t handle the strength. And with ‘Rebel Moon,’ Snyder’s not just delivering another round – he’s slamming the whole damn bottle down your throat. This show is Snyder unchained, and it’s about time we give the man his due.

Remember ‘300?’ That was Snyder painting a bloody mural with cinematic brilliance. ‘Watchmen?’ A dark, twisted tapestry of superhero angst. And who could forget ‘Man of Steel,’ where he turned that big blue Boy Scout into a goddamn mythic figure. Sure, Snyder’s had his ups and downs. I know I’ve had my balls dragged across a razor blade for dumping on him. But even his critics can’t deny the man has style. His visual storytelling is like a punch in the gut – it leaves you breathless and wanting more.

Now, bring in ‘Rebel Moon.’ This isn’t just Snyder doing what he does best; it’s him evolving, refining his craft into something raw and beautiful. He takes those slow-mo shots, those stark contrasts, and that visceral storytelling, and he elevates them to a cosmic ballet of light and shadow. Every frame of this show is a testament to his artistic vision. Do I have criticisms? Of course. I did not like the lighting choice on Veldt, but I understood what he was trying to achieve with the glow of the red giant, Mara.

And let’s squash this bug now: Snyder’s not rehashing old glories. He’s building new ones. ‘Rebel Moon’ might nod to classic sci-fi, but it’s not living in their shadow. It’s standing tall, a unique beast in the galaxy of modern TV.

And enough whining about the Star Wars comparison. We know the story. It’s like listening to my 13-year-old incessantly begging for the lasted sweatshop-made piece of shit hoodie that some puffy-lipped influencer is plugging to the 43 billion teenagers living up her ass. If half the Star Wars movies were as interesting as Rebel Moon, I may still care about them.

And the ending? It’s not the end!!! It’s like an intermission created by a room full of greedy shit-sucking suits in Hollywood that were too afraid to tell Snyder to cut the damn thing down. Or they had the self-proclaimed brain fart to suck more money out of us by releasing it as two movies – I’m betting on the ladder.

So, to the haters still clinging to their outdated complaints: open your eyes. Snyder’s not just making television; he’s crafting a visual odyssey. ‘Rebel Moon’ is the latest chapter in his saga, and it’s a damn good one.

Visuals to Die For: The Aesthetic of ‘Rebel Moon’

Now, let’s gnaw on the real meat of ‘Rebel Moon’ – the visuals. If you’re one of those who can’t appreciate Snyder’s eye for cinematic beauty, then I’ve got news for you: you’re as blind as a three-legged, eyeless dog dry-humping the slowest chicken on the farm. The visuals in this show aren’t just good; they’re a cosmic mind-fuck of epic proportions.

From the get-go, ‘Rebel Moon’ slaps you in the face with its visual prowess. We’re talking about landscapes that look like they’ve been ripped straight out of my recurring Barbarella dream but with colors so vivid they’ll make your eyes bleed. And the space battles? Holy shit, they’ll make any 13-year-old jump up and cheer at the screen. Imagine the most badass fireworks display, then multiply it by a thousand and jam it all into your own personal Kaleidoscope – that’s what Snyder’s serving up here.

And let’s not skim over the details. The intricate design of the spaceships, the alien worlds with their bizarre yet mesmerizing aesthetics – it’s like Snyder took a deep dive into the most twisted sci-fi fantasies and emerged with pure gold. Every scene is meticulously crafted, with a level of detail that’s borderline obsessive. It’s not just a show; it’s a visual feast, a testament to what can happen when a director refuses to hold back. (Firefly, though, is still my favorite spaceship, but that’s another argument.)

The haters will say it’s style over substance, but they’re missing the point. The style IS the substance. ‘Rebel Moon’ uses its visuals to tell a story that words alone couldn’t capture. It’s a symphony of light and shadow, an intentional dance of pixel-fucking that creates a world so immersive I forgot it wasn’t real.

So, to those still whining about the visuals: get your eyes checked – or wash them out with apple cider vinegar. I hear that’s a thing now. ‘Rebel Moon’ isn’t just a show; it’s a visual masterpiece, and Snyder is the maestro leading the charge.

A Story Worth Telling: The Plot and Characters of ‘Rebel Moon’

Alright, let’s slice into the meat with my Longclaw sword: the story and characters. For those crying into their Ewok blankets that it’s just another space saga with no soul, your depth perception is as shallow as a puddle of piss in the parking lot outside a 7-Eleven. ‘Rebel Moon’ doesn’t just tell a story; it throws you headfirst into an interstellar rollercoaster of narrative prowess.

The plot? It’s a damn masterclass in storytelling. Are there plot holes? Hell, yeah. It’s science fiction. It’s fucking made up! And yes, I was bothered by Kora, who acted so carefully up until the Cantina scene (see what I did there) and then dropped all sense of caution. But it was needed to drive the action, so I forgave Snyder. I completely disagree it was some cookie-cutter space drama. We witnessed a tale of rebellion, survival, and badassery on an epic scale, but if you spent the movie trying to link it to Star Wars, you missed all that. Snyder takes the familiar – the oppressed rising against the oppressor – and injects it with a dose of steroids. It’s not just about the fight; it’s about the why and the how. The stakes are high, the tension is palpable, and every scene ends with you craving more.

And let’s talk characters. They’re not just cardboard cutouts floating in space. These are fleshed-out, complex individuals with motives and flaws. The protagonist isn’t just a hero; they’re a beacon of hope in a galaxy gone mad, with enough layers to make an onion weep. And the villains? They’re not just evil for the sake of evil. They’ve got depth, making their downfall all the more satisfying.

Critics whine about the lack of originality, but they’re missing the point. ‘Rebel Moon’ weaves familiar threads into a tapestry that’s both comforting and fresh. It’s a narrative that grabs you by the collar and doesn’t let go, with characters that feel more real than your next-door neighbor.

And if you can’t see that, maybe it’s time to take off those jaded glasses and enjoy the ride.

Sound and Fury: The Soundtrack and Audio Effects

Now, let’s dial the sonic screwdriver to eleven and talk about the aural assault that is ‘Rebel Moon.’ If you think this show is just a visual spectacle, then you’ve been jamming your skull full of lead to avoid the brilliance blasting at you. The soundtrack and sound effects in this cosmic saga are not just accompaniments; they’re the lifeblood that pumps through its veins.

First off, the soundtrack – it’s a goddamn symphony of the stars. It’s not just background noise; it’s a character in its own right. Each note, each beat, is meticulously chosen to amplify the drama, to heighten the tension, to give voice to the unspoken. The music swells in all the right places, capturing the epic scope of the story, and then it whispers, accentuating those intimate moments that give ‘Rebel Moon’ its soul.

And the sound effects – holy hell, they’re on another level. We’re not just hearing laser blasts and spaceship engines; we’re experiencing an auditory masterpiece. The clash of metal, the roar of rockets, the subtle hum of alien tech – it’s all so crisp, so clear, you’d swear you were right there in the thick of it. This isn’t some half-assed attempt at sound design; it’s a full-on aural onslaught that grabs you by the eardrums and doesn’t let go.

In a world where shows often overlook sound, ‘Rebel Moon’ stands out. It’s a testament to Snyder’s commitment to immersive storytelling. The sound doesn’t just complement the visuals; it elevates them, creating a sensory experience that’s nothing short of orgasmic.

So, if you’ve been watching ‘Rebel Moon’ on mute or with some shitty speakers, you’re doing it wrong. Turn up the volume, let the sound envelop you, and bask in the glory of a show that knows the power of a good audio punch.

An Ode to Sci-Fi: References and Homages

Now, let’s set the chevrons to lock, dial in the coordinates, and let’s gate-travel to the core of ‘Rebel Moon’s’ galaxy. ‘Rebel Moon’ is an unapologetic love letter to sci-fi, stitched together with references and homages that would make any true fan’s heart race. For those sniveling critics who moan about it being derivative, wake up and smell the interstellar coffee. This show isn’t stealing; it’s paying respect where it’s damn well due.

‘Rebel Moon’ is like a treasure trove for sci-fi enthusiasts. It’s littered with nods to the greats – from the grandiosity of ‘Star Wars’ to the gritty realism of ‘Blade Runner.’ But here’s the kicker: it doesn’t just mimic these classics; it reimagines them. Snyder isn’t just tipping his hat to the giants; he’s standing on their shoulders, reaching for new heights.

Each scene is a mosaic of sci-fi history, a collage of the elements that made us fall in love with the genre in the first place. But Snyder’s savvy enough to know that homage alone isn’t enough. He takes these elements – a dash of dystopia here, a sprinkle of space opera there – and mixes them into something that’s both familiar and fresh. It’s a balancing act that would have lesser creators crashing and burning, but Snyder? He walks that tightrope like it’s a damn Sunday stroll.

And for the die-hards who can spot every reference, ‘Rebel Moon’ is more than just entertainment; it’s a game. It’s a challenge to catch the subtle winks, the clever nods, the hidden gems sprinkled throughout the show.

So, for the naysayers who think ‘Rebel Moon’ is just riding on the coattails of its predecessors: pull your nose out of Luke Skywalker’s ass. This show isn’t just standing on the shoulders of giants; it’s breakdancing on them, orchestrating a spectacle that serves both as an homage and a lesson in sci-fi storytelling.

Why the Haters are Wrong

Alright, let’s bring this home and put a laser focus on why the naysayers and haters of ‘Rebel Moon’ are barking up the wrong nebula. It’s time to drop the mic on this whole debate and lay out, in no uncertain terms, why this show is a cosmic triumph.

First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: the criticism. Sure, ‘Rebel Moon’ isn’t your cookie-cutter sci-fi show, and thank the stars for that! It’s bold, it’s brash, and it doesn’t pander to the lowest common denominator. Snyder isn’t here to spoon-feed you a bland, predictable tale. He’s serving up a feast of innovation and raw storytelling power.

To those stuck in the past, clinging to their outdated views of what sci-fi should be, wake up and smell the stardust. ‘Rebel Moon’ is redefining the genre, pushing the envelope of what’s possible. It’s a fusion of art and entertainment, a visual and narrative spectacle that demands your attention.

And the complaints about it being a rip-off of other sci-fi classics? Please. It’s called inspiration, not imitation. Snyder is building on the foundations laid by the greats, not just replicating them. He’s paying homage while simultaneously crafting something new and exhilarating.

‘Rebel Moon’ is awesome, plain and simple. It’s a show that dares to dream big, to challenge norms, and to take us on a journey that’s as thought-provoking as it is thrilling. And if you’re still not convinced, maybe it’s time to broaden your horizons and give credit where credit’s due. ‘Rebel Moon’ is a fantastic sci-fi tale worth watching, and that’s a hill I’m willing to die on.

So, there you have it. ‘Rebel Moon,’ through my eyes, is a damn masterpiece that deserves more than just a casual glance. Don’t just take my word for it; dive into this interstellar journey yourself. Watch it, love it, hate it – but give it the shot it deserves. Engage in the debate, stir the pot, but most importantly, form your own opinion. This isn’t just about a TV show; it’s about experiencing a piece of art that dares to be different. So go on, hit play, and step into the world of ‘Rebel Moon.’ Who knows? It might just blow your mind.

All right, enough of this $#%&. I’m heading back to Tatooine. Who’s with me?

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