I’m a wrestling guy. I love it. Some people have soap operas; some people have Reality TV; I have wrestling. This gives me a predisposition to seek out cool sh*t on the internet about the sport(s entertainment) I enjoy so much.
But never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find The Sheik Massacre, written and directed by John Hennigan (AKA John Morrison, Johnny Impact or Johnny TV), co-written by his wife Kira Hennigan (AKA La Wera Loca, Taya Valkyrie), and also starring Kevin Kesar (AKA Killer Kross).
The Sheik Massacre is a short, low-budget comedy slasher movie starring an action figure of the legendary wrestler The Iron Sheik in the Ghostface role, taking his frustrations out on the dipshit YouTubers who are dunking on footage of the real-life Iron Sheik on TV. It’s so satisfying.
The Sheik (Khosrow Vaziri) died last year (June 7th, 2023) at the age of 81, so this may appear to some in bad taste. However, those people should know that this film is an ode to a larger-than-life character and done with the utmost respect. I have no doubt he would have loved it.
Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri was an Iranian professional wrestler born in 1942, predominantly performing under the ring name of The Iron Sheik. In 1983, he was crowned WWF World Heavyweight Champion, defeating Bob Backlund after Backlund’s manager threw in the towel. Only one month later, Hulk Hogan took the title from him in January 1984, and The Sheik would never become Heavyweight Champ again.
Subsequent to this, The Iron Sheik became more of a name in the tag team division, with his partner Nikolai Volkoff winning the WWF tag titles once and eventually earning a spot in the WWE Hall of Fame in 2005. He was a major heel (bad guy) in the company for years and has no doubt inspired many of this generation’s top wrestlers.
Despite this success, and as was the norm of this era of wrestling, Vaziri had troubles with substance abuse in his personal life but was reportedly sober from 2009 until he died in 2023. During this time, The Iron Sheik became infamous for his Twitter account, often spewing profanities about contemporary news and calling out Hogan for being a jabroni. It was freaking hilarious, although clearly it wasn’t something he penned himself.
He was the best follow on Twitter, always giving me something to chuckle at and share with friends. I miss those tweets every day.
During a livestream, a bunch of wrestler YouTubers film “The Dump,” a toilet-humor-based take on poor-quality wrestling. When a weird lightning bolt strikes the house, their filming is halted. However, it brings to life an action figure of the very man they were dunking on: The Iron Sheik.
All of the actors wear GoPro cameras, and, along with selective stationary shots, well-placed surveillance cameras make up the rest of the footage. And when I say “actors,” I also mean The Sheik figure, who is often cut to, where we see his little legs flop about like he’s walking. It’s hilarious.
What follows is a low-budget slasher film akin to Child’s Play or M3gan, having an inanimate object run around with various tools of torture to take out the asshole streamers. They are (mostly) awful people, so you gotta root for The Sheik.
Boy, does he deliver the goods. Violence, gore, and gross melted plastic gunk flying everywhere. It’s ridiculous but in the best possible way. You can’t help but snort in laughter as this 18-inch or so toy fully decapitates a man or stabs someone to death. The visual effects may be on the cheaper-looking side, but that adds to its charm.
So, how could such a violent and absurd short film be a loving tribute to Khosrow Vaziri, The Iron Sheik? Isn’t it making him a laughingstock? Doesn’t the very fact that he’s being trashed as a wrestler at the start of the movie undermine his talent and accomplishments?
F*ck no!
I almost teared up watching this film because it’s such a great tribute to his memory. Yes, there was the “In Loving Memory” in the credits, but there’s so much more. It’s the way the first thing Sheik does is rip up a Hulk Hogan poster. It’s how he screams about making people humble. It’s the diatribe of curse words coming from his mouth as if it was pulled straight from his Twitter account.
Most of all, it’s the loving shot of the Sheik doll looking emotionally at the classic wrestling figures on the shelf of John Hennigan’s living room. Wrestlers like Rowdy Roddy Piper, Mr Perfect and George “The Animal” Steele of the Legion of Doom who were taken from us far too soon.
And it’s the fact that The Sheik hadn’t yet passed when this film was originally filmed, and it was still the most loving tribute to a man who was so influential in the wrestling business. With that context, I dare you not to get a little watery-eyed.
The full video can be seen below. Watch it.
