Couch Soup logo

Why Godzilla is a Sexy Mother Trucker

by: 
hello world!
Iain McParland
| November 5, 2024
hello world!

So, there I was, making conversation in the pub, asking innocent questions just to keep the vibe going. The kind of dumb discussions friends make when they’re either avoiding serious talk about their lives (because, let’s face it, bummer) or because you’ve run out of things to say to someone they talk to all of the time. 

“What surprising anthropomorphic character from TV, film or video games do you or did you have a crush on? Even if it’s weird…”

I received a varied array of answers in reply (which will be another article at some point), but the one I was least expecting was: “My housemate fancies Godzilla.” My obvious instinctual reaction was WTF, but the more they explained it, the more it sorta made sense. 

Here are the reasons they gave to justify their infatuation. Buckle in, kids! You’re in for a wild ride!

1. Power

Kong has no chance

It’s not always the case, but some people are attracted to powerful folks. Let’s face it: Godzilla is a pure Alpha. He’s a big strong boi. Look at those arms! Look at those thunder-thighs! There ain’t nothing Godzilla can’t take on. And why would you even try? He’s got the reputation to back it up, like a nuclear-infused, less problematic Steven Seagal. Those muscles aren’t just for show…

It’s not just physical power, either. They don’t call him the King of the Monsters for nothing. Godzilla exudes leadership aura to the max. He has the respect of his rivals, even if they try to step to him. You don’t see Kong barrel into battle without a plan, right? Exactly. They know they’re up against the REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF THE WORRRRRLLLLLLD… GODZILLA!

2. Confidence

Posture Michael Caine would be proud of in Miss Congeniality

Confidence is hot. That’s what I’m told, anyway. I have the confidence of the average MLS player lining up against Lionel Messi. If you don’t know what that means, let me put it this way: your opponent just pulled out a Zapdos and your one remaining Pokemon is a newly caught Magikarp. Unconfident.

So, in Godzilla Minus One, when the big guy rocks up in Tokyo with the poise of a slightly stiff runway model, straight back, with all the swagger in the world, you can almost hear the collective swoon from all the guys and gals. Not a care in the world and not a self-conscious bone in his gigantic body, Godzilla knows how to project conviction. 

Someone get some ice to cool these people down!

3. Personality

Stay away from Earth you b*tch!

Godzilla is a good guy at heart. He loves the world and does everything he can to protect it from bad influences (and ultimately destruction). Ghidorah wants to destroy the planet? Not on Godzilla’s watch. MUTO’s destroying cities and plunging swaths of the population into darkness by emitting EMPs? Godzilla will sort them out. He’s just a nice dude trying to do right by his home and his people. There’s nothing more sexy than that. 

Big G does have a tendency to rage and break stuff, which isn’t the best quality, but it just shows how much he cares deeply about the world. About you. At least he’s not the strong, silent type, right? You know exactly how he feels, and I’m sure people prefer a man who isn’t afraid to show emotions (to the right person). Godzilla is an open book.

4. Hot

Me after eating anything over mild at Nandos

Maybe Godzilla is just too hot. Yeah, he’s technically cold-blooded, but that just means he adapts to his environment. And, unfortunately, his environment was a nuclear explosion so, quite literally, he’s freaking hot. Plus, he’s got that whole fire breath / scorching laser beam thingy. You may as well cast him in the next season of Too Hot to Handle (I have no idea what that program is but you get the idea).

Aside from his temperature, he’s also pretty damn cool looking. He’s got more spikes than Johnny Rotten (The Sex Pistols), looking like a punk rocker and acting like one too. If you like bad boys, then look no further than Godzilla.

Conclusion

Paint me like one of your french girls

Godzilla is a sexy mother trucker. He’s a powerful, confident, enormous kaiju who is the ultimate conservationist. A benevolent soul with a steaming hot bod and the attitude of a punk rocker, the big guy is the ultimate anthropomorphic (weird, definitely weird) crush. 

I apologize to my friend’s housemate, who I was so quick to judge. After consultation, they had some damn good points. Godzilla is a babe. It may be wrong on so many levels… but why does it feel so right? 

Guys? GUYS?!

Hey fellow nerds! Before you dive back into that gaming session or start your next binge-watch, here’s the deal with Couch Soup: we’re a completely independent pop culture site run by genuine fans who get just as hyped as you do about the latest games, comics, movies, and TV shows. No corporate overlords, no AI-generated content, just real people who know their Metroid from their Mass Effect.

Unlike the big corporate sites, we don’t chase clicks or stir up drama. Sure, we might have some hot takes (looking at you, controversial season finale), but they come from a place of genuine passion and respect for the creators and fandoms we cover.

Want to support what we do and join what we think is the coolest community of pop culture enthusiasts on the internet? Check out our supporter tiers – each packed with perks that’ll level up your fandom experience. Every contribution helps keep us independent and lets us keep nerding out with you!

Thanks for being part of our quest – now, back to our regularly scheduled geekery!
Drew Lewis,
Editor-in-chief
Membership
Monthly
Yearly
Members Only Newsletter
5% Couch Soup Store Discount
Ability to Comment on Articles
Unlocked
Access to Couchsoup Community
Circle Forum
SIGN UP
Everything in free +
No Ads on the Site! Woohoo!
5% Couch Soup Store Discount
Monthly AMA chat with CouchSoup team members
Early access (up to 72hrs) to new
episodes
Access to exclusive members only
content (video & articles)
JOIN
Everything in free +
No Ads on the Site! Woohoo!
5% Couch Soup Store Discount
Monthly AMA chat with CouchSoup team members
Early access (up to 72hrs) to new
episodes
Access to exclusive members only
content (video & articles)
JOIN
Everything in free +
No Ads on the Site! Woohoo!
5% Couch Soup Store Discount
Monthly AMA chat with CouchSoup team members
Early access (up to 72hrs) to new
episodes
Access to exclusive members only
content (video & articles)
JOIN
Everything in free +
No Ads on the Site! Woohoo!
5% Couch Soup Store Discount
Monthly AMA chat with CouchSoup team members
Early access (up to 72hrs) to new
episodes
Access to exclusive members only
content (video & articles)
JOIN
Annual Membership
Everything in free +
No Ads on the Site! Woohoo!
5% Couch Soup Store Discount
Monthly AMA chat with CouchSoup team members
Early access (up to 72hrs) to new
episodes
Access to exclusive members only
content (video & articles)
JOIN
Annual Membership
Annual Membership
No Ads on the Site! Woohoo!
5% Couch Soup Store Discount
Monthly AMA chat with CouchSoup team members
Early access (up to 72hrs) to new
episodes
Access to exclusive members only
content (video & articles)
JOIN
Annual Membership
Everything in free +
No Ads on the Site! Woohoo!
5% Couch Soup Store Discount
Monthly AMA chat with CouchSoup team members
Early access (up to 72hrs) to new
episodes
Access to exclusive members only
content (video & articles)
JOIN
Annual Membership
Everything in free +
No Ads on the Site! Woohoo!
5% Couch Soup Store Discount
Monthly AMA chat with CouchSoup team members
Early access (up to 72hrs) to new
episodes
Access to exclusive members only
content (video & articles)
JOIN

About the Author

  • Iain McParland

    A northerner from England, Iain is passionate about all things film, TV, and video games (he has an obsession with popping them trophies in PlayStation games). When not consuming pop culture, Iain can be found drawing on MS Paint, learning Mandarin, watching football (soccer), or at pub quizzes. Mostly the pub thing, although he actually has not drunk a drop of alcohol since a messy Christmas Eve over a decade ago...

Share This

3 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Michelle Holstine
1 month ago

This. This is the content I am here for. Well done, Iain hahaha

Drew Lewis
1 month ago

This article is proof of something I didn’t know I wanted until it existed. Godzilla is sexy AF! hahaha

Comments are for members only. Sign up here to become a member for free.

Get our Newsletter!

Featured

Wicked Review from a Non-Wicked Fan

Are you unsure about the Wicked craze? So is Michelle, but she went to see it anyway and is here to tell you if it’s worth it!
by Michelle HolstineDecember 9, 2024
1 2 3 867

Read more

Godzilla Voxel Wars Review

#GodzillaWeek is in full swing and we even have a review for a new Goji game for you puzzle fans. See what we thought in this tiny Kaiju brain buster.
by Dan MorrisDecember 9, 2023 

Violent Night, Gory Night: Movie Review Of Violent Night

Violent Night starring David Harbour blends Home Alone with Die Hard. Shana shares why it's a must-watch film for the holidays and beyond.
by Shana MartinJanuary 22, 2023 
1 2 3 153
© 2024 CouchSoup, LLC. All Rights Reserved
Terms of Service | Privacy
© 2024 CouchSoup, LLC. All Rights Reserved
Manage Cookie Settings chevron-down